Dear you who broke my heart the hardest
What every girl wishes to say to their greatest heartbreaker
I think you know how you broke my heart and how much pain you’ve caused. I was too scared to admit that you almost broke everything about me. I actually didn’t have time to think about your feelings back then. I was busy trying to bounce back, living one day at a time. I’ve seen this a thousand times. I’ve seen how my friends’ lives crumble when their boyfriends left them. I didn’t have any plans of dating anyone, more so committing. You know my story. You know who I was before we met. I was the happy go lucky girl who didn’t believe in commitments, labels, promises, and what-have-yous. I was skeptical about everything. I built this very high wall to protect mysel. I had all kinds of issues! All these things changed when I met you. I let you affect me. I let you label me (as a girlfriend). I obeyed you. I agreed to your terms. You became my life. My love.
I was so sure about you. I was so ready to make everything right this time. No more walls, issues, setbacks. I was determined to never commit the same mistakes again. I introduced you to my family. My dad almost got a heart attack when you paid a visit. I think you get the picture. I loved you so much. I allowed you to be part of everything about me.
So when things didn’t work out, my world collapsed.
I promised myself not to commit the same mistakes with my past relationships. So this time, I decided to fight for you. You were a lot to lose, like I told you, so I just waited. I believe I was never the clingy-needy type. I just waited for you until the day I saw that you’ve moved on already. It was so hard for me to recover. I didn’t think I would still have a chance to be extremely happy. The hardest to let go were the memories: our laughter, our sweet nothings, our adventures, and misadventures. I believe we had so much fun together. The hardest part was accepting that you’re gone and we won’t have that much fun anymore. Oh well. I wish it didn’t.
I guess I really loved you too much that I forced myself to cut everything and let you be happy. I let you move on. I just trained myself to accept everything wholeheartedly. I tried to be happy for you. Well I did become happy for you, in the long run.
Nevertheless, I still believe everything was worth it. I was happiest to be with you. No regrets whatsoever. I wouldn’t change anything. So I still want to thank you. Thank you for teaching me a lot of things. Thank you for all our adventures and misadventures. Everything was worth every tear. I’m sorry for everything too. I’m sorry if I made things harder for you. I just want to say sorry and thank you.
Now, I am back to square one. Should I trust anyone again? Will I still get my happy ending?